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It didn't start out like this


It certainly did not start out like this. I was a child of the 60's and 70's, where we had no 'yoga' - no resource for allowing the mind and spirit to connect, to relax, to share and express feelings. There was no 'me too' movement, no place to run for help when our world came crashing down. We, were, alone in our home(s) left to live our lives 'behind closed doors' and never speak in public about what happened on the inside. It was simply the way life was ... we survived. Day after day, week after week ~ the years rolled by, and ~ if you lived within a family where abuse was a happenstance ~ you suffered in silence. You went to school the next day to learn math, english ~ and be expected to pay attention ~ and learn ~ only to be invited back into your home that evening, and endure whatever abuse was handed out, at the whim of the abuser.


The stickiest kind of wicket if there ever was one, I'd say. Looking back on all the years of silent suffering, I keep reminding myself, how I must've Not been the only one... There must've been another person who hid their pain, their anguish, their suffering ~ but everyone else at school, in our neighborhood and church looked and acted so relaxed, so happy. Why was I the only one? Was I being punished for my sins, as the church told me? What sins did I commit? I didn't think I was a bad girl, but, ... I must've been.


This is the mindset of millions of people, my friend. I lived it. I know I am not alone in this ~ now.


How do we grow out of this? How do we evolve to break the silent abuse and not relive it by handing abuse down to our children and grandchildren. Is this a process in our DNA that mandates our future? I didn't want that. I did not want a life of anger and abuse. My heart hated anger. My heart hated rage. I began to believe these emotions were evil, from the devil himself. I began to ingest my own self loathing as my teenage years began. My mother became injured and spent 3 years in and out of a hospital, before they finally fused the lower part of her back, and she became somewhat 'well' again. She was not around as my father's abuse grew larger and stronger. I knew this was not the way to live, but, as a child, we can only live the way we are given. I knew I was, alone.


How do we grow out of this? How do we evolve to break the silent abuse and not relive it by handing abuse down to our children and grandchildren?


The process to grow out of abuse, out of self loathing, out of despair, loneliness and deep depression ~ is here. I promise it is here, my friend. I've done it. This journey to health is a long one ~ and I must say, there is no magic shortcut to un-entangle these strands of undesirable memories. To forgive and 'let go' is an easy statement to make ~ but how do we digest it? How do we, do it ? How do we ... 'let it go'?


My hope and my promise to You, is to say, ... I will share my journey to health and self love here, on my blog and videos ~ giving You hopeful and true enlightenment to the grace of forgiveness and healing. It feels glorious, my friend, it feels glorious.


You are not alone, as I once believed in my heart of hearts I was ... I am here for you ~ and there are most certainly others that are here, just like you and me.


You are not alone... You are here with me... and I love You


Anyone can achieve this glorious daily agenda, no matter what has happened, no matter what you have done or had done in the past ... let's step forward with one movement right now, and say together, "I am not alone"


Hold my hand now and let's go for a walk, just a simple walk. We do not need to speak... just feel the air on your face and ... walk.


You are not alone. Squeeze my hand and let's walk...


Until next time, my friend ~ Nameste'

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